Reading the “Missed Connections” section of Craigslist is procrastination worthy of a writer: those missives from one lonely heart seeking another, fleetingly glimpsed, practically beg to be written into stories. BookRiot has done the opposite—taking well-known literary characters and writing their ads—and the results are hilarious:
the roof, the roof – w4m (Thornfield Hall) I spotted you from my window as you delivered wood to the house – I swear our eyes locked briefly for a second. Did you feel it, too? Come back to the Hall on Thursday night – I’ll create a diversion so I can escape. I just know we’d get along like a house on fire.
AWAY IN A MANGER – m4w (NEW HAMPSHIRE) YOU WERE IN THE AUDIENCE AT A PERFORMANCE OF THE NATIVITY, LOOKING BORED. I WAS BABY JESUS. I LIKED YOUR SPARKLY BLACK SWEATER. DO YOU LIKE BASEBALL? MAYBE WE CAN GET TOGETHER AND THROW A BALL AROUND SOME TIME.
Handsome fella in the town square – w4m (Boston) You helped me when I dropped my scarf in the mud. You looked so embarrassed when our fingers touched briefly – your cheeks turned scarlet. I’d enjoy sharing a cup of tea sometime. Ask anyone – when it comes to loving, I get an ‘A’.
sexy hobbitses – m4w (misty mountain) oh precious precious hobbitses! we loves your chubby fingers and furry feets. we will gives you a ring. we loves you, we loves you, we loves you forever!
For the identities of the “writers”—and the full list—visit BookRiot. Got a literary missed connection of your own? Share it below in the comments.
