I get a childish delight out of anachronistic mashups, so the Paris Review’s
drunk texts from Gertrude Stein, Emily Dickinson, William Wordsworth, and more are right in my wheelhouse:
Image: The Paris Review
Read the full set on the Paris Review‘s site.
Meanwhile, on The Hairpin, Mallory Ortberg imagines texts from Jane Eyre–the character:
JANE WHERE HAVE YOU GONE
I AM BEREFT AND WITHOUT MY JANE I SHALL SINK INTO ROGUERY
i am with my cousins
WHICH COUSIN
IS IT THE SEXY ONE
Please don’t try to talk to me again
IT IS YOUR SEXY COUSIN
“ST. JOHN”
WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS ST. JOHN
I’m not going to answer that
I KNEW IT
DID YOU LEAVE BECAUSE OF MY ATTIC WIFE
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT
yes
absolutely
BECAUSE MY HOUSE IN FRANCE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE AN ATTIC
IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT
IT HAS A CELLAR THOUGH SO YOU KNOW
DON’T CROSS ME
HAHA I’M ONLY JOKING
Actually, texts from Scarlett O’Hara might be even funnier.
Further Reading:
